Have you ever seen an old guy...not just older, I mean elderly, and thought to yourself "I would totally not mess with that dude?" Maybe it's the way they carry themselves, the wear that a hard-lived life imprints on one's face, or maybe its the loaded .38 in their boot. Anyway, sometimes you can just tell that despite their age, some old guys would deride you as being a whippersnapper or critique you for not tipping your hat to a lady, then kick your supposedly stronger, more verile ass all around the yard.
Meet Johnny Trigg. He's in his 70s, he's a retired insurance man, he's been doing competitive Q longer than many of his competitors have been alive, he speaks with a plaintive, Texas drawl, he's good at making ribs and he'd whip you if you got lippy with him, regardless of who you are. Back on the original incarnation of "BBQ Pitmaster" when it followed competitive cookers around the country instead of doing a contest-style show, he spit gruff insults at cocky young contestants, took their money in side bets and supposedly kept a firearm in his footwear. Do not trifle with Johnny Trigg. On whatever week of "BBQ Pitmasters" I'm now providing a recap of, three contestants showed up in the barnyard just south of "None of your dang business where we're at" Texas to earn a spot in the semi-finals. Among those was Alvarado's own Mr. Trigg, whose team is called "Smokin' Triggers" both because it's a play on his last name and because he settles arguments on dusty streets at 20 paces, I'm guessing. Also on hand was Corey Brinson from Fayetteville, North Carolina. He runs a rib shack and actually came in second to Trigg in the Pitmasters finale a few years back. He was asked what he was going to do this time around to change the outcome. "I'm gonna do the same things I did," he said semi-sheepishly. "Good, then you'll be second again," said the scary old Texan. He could have just said "Fightin's commenced, get to fightin' or get away." The other contestant was Craig Kimmel from Florida, who made it to the finals back in season two of the show. With the contestants introduced we learned the three would be cooking pork belly and monstrous, dinosaur-sized beef ribs. Seriously, the things looked like meat bats. You could have taken batting practice with them. Also, meat bat is a funny term and can mean more than one thing. Trigg was not impressed. "We don't cook old bones," he said of Texas pitmasters, or either bad asses. I'm not sure which. Corey decided to parse the ribs out and cook them individually. "You've got some whittling to do," Myron said of that technique. Yep, just needs to whittle his meat or work that bone down a little bit (HAHAHAHAHA!!!!) Trigg said he was going to cook beef ribs just like he cooked brisket. "Because I win with my brisket," he said flatly. Hard to argue with that. Bad idea to argue with him in general, actually. Mr. Trigg said he'd bring a sweet heat to the ribs. Craig had other ideas, deciding he'd do his "Texas-style" which generally means simple with not much more than salt and pepper. I'd think Texas-style is whatever Mr. Trigg says it is, but the simple, mainly salt and pepper route is considered more traditionally Texan. As he does with most cuts of meat, Mr. Triff applied peanut oil to help the rub adhere, then put on two layers of rub. Myron asked about what kind of sauce he would be using. "That's more of your business!" Mr. Trigg retorted sternly. Corey was a little vexed by the pork belly. Judge Moe Cason said he would probably treat the unctious hunk of bacon-in-waiting (which I'm totally calling pork belly from now on) like he would ribs and that's the method Corey decided to employ. He injected the belly with apple juice and put his rib rub on it. For the pork belly, Craig went with the tried-and-true method of catering to what Myron wants. He put peach blossom sugar on it (Myron likes peaches) and then applied peach moonshine. It's not like I've had any of that before...I certainly don't possess any, um, sure don't, but I understand it has a very peachy flavor, but that idea didn't go over well with Myron AT ALL. "I don't like spirits on my meat," Myron said. "I don't want no damn liquor on my meat." Referring to intoxicating beverages as "spirits" is epic beyond words. About that time, the judges interrupted the pitmasters for the Kingsford One-Bite Challenge. They told the guys they would be cooking catfish. They handed them whole catfish and told them to whip something up out of them in 30 minutes. Corey panicked and really didn't know what to do with the catfish, so he started slashing away at the poor fish like Freddy Krueger would a sleeping teen. He wasn't able to get clean filets out of the carcass, just three ill-formed pieces that he put Cajun seasoning on. Craig poached his in butter and garlic and made a remoulade of some type to go with it. Mr. Trigg...I don't actually remember what he did. I was too distracted by him calling the catfish "Mr. Whiskers" over and over. Corey couldn't get his nubby fish hackings quite done on the grill. Hey Myron, do you like sushi?" he asked. At least he had a sense of humor about it. And for the record, no, Myron does not like sushi. Not the word, not the dish...he doesn't like sushi. Once they turned them in, Corey's was said to actually taste OK despite being "ugly as hell." They liked Craig's but said the remoulade overpowered the taste of the fish. Mr. Trigg's offering of "Mr. Whiskers" which sounds for all the world like cat food, was well-received but was said to need salt. Craig won, earning the right to pick the final turn-in order. He decided he go first, then Corey, then Mr. Trigg. Mr. Trigg, somewhat surprisingly, put honey on his beef ribs to add some sweetness. Myron and Moe have openly discussed not liking sweet stuff on their beef many times, but screw ya'll buddy, I'm Johnny Trigg and I'll put bee squeezins on whatever I please. Corey was struggling to get his pork belly to the right level of doneness, so he had to eschew low-and-slow in the smoker for hot-and-fast on the grill. "If it's not done yet, it's not gonna be," Mr. Trigg informed him. Craig apparently knows his way around a pork belly. He pulled some meaty strands out, twisted them into sort of a cone shape and included that in his turn-in box. "I like ice cream," Myron said. This wasn't ice cream, of course, it was pig meat. The point is it was cone shaped, it's sweet tastin' blah blah the phrase "ice cream" will do in a pinch. Mr. Trigg made an interesting decision, opting to take his rib meat off the bone for presentation. It made for a much better presentation because the bones were so big, Corey and Craig weren't actually able to close their turn-in boxes which could lead them to getting cold quickly. Everybody got everything turned in and it was time for judging. Craig's ginormous beef ribs were tasted first. Tuffy said he'd nailed the Texas flavor and his decision to not use sauce on them (just a little butter) got positive reviews. Moe did say his were not as tender as he'd hoped. Corey's ribs were said to be "a little snug" (which is a nice way of saying tough) by Moe, but Myron disagreed, saying his were tender. Tuffy said there was sweetness on the ribs he didn't particularly care for and Myron said they needed salt. Mr. Trigg's ribs were deemed the most tender by Myron, but the descrepancies continued as Moe said his was tight (which means tougher than ones that are "a little snug") and Tuffy thought they needed a little extra pop of flavor. Pork belly was next. Myron said Craig had "perfect texture" on the ice cream cone, but thought the slices he included in the box were a tad tough. I became befuddled as Moe, again, disagreed and said they were very tender. One man's "snugger than a tick in a dog's butt" can be another's "softer than sweet butter gently meltin' in memaw's skillet" I guess, but it seemed strange to have them at odds so much. He put some cubes in the box too which everyone seemed to like the flavor of, but Myron complained that all the fat had failed to render out. Despite loathing spirits and demon rum on his meat, Myron said using the peach moonshine did work. All the judges raved about the flavor on Corey's pork belly and they loved the char it got from being on the grill. They said that gave it a bacon-ish taste. Everyone also thought it was a little tough. They said tough instead of "snug" or "tight" or "stove up" so it may have been very tough. Mr. Trigg's pork belly was called "good all-around" with good tenderness and a smooth bite. As the judges sat to hash things out, the pitmasters sat around a fire. That just looked like Mr. Trigg's element. I expected him to talk about the time he drove a team of horses up Bear Mountain, or amputate one of his big toes with a knife because some dang old rattler got a tooth into it. He looked awesome is my point. Once the judges talked things over, they brought the pitmasters back and told Corey he was in third place. That left Craig and Mr. Trigg. After discussing the merits and demerits of the meat they turned in, the judges announced that the pitmaster moving on was...CRAIG, in a stunning upset. The judges told Mr. Trigg his meat was perfectly cooked but needed more seasoning. "I disagree," Mr. Trigg said in a cutaway, with his arms folded. It was the perfect ending. He didn't concede their point, he didn't talk about how great the experience of being on "BBQ Pitmasters" was...he said the judges were wrong and that was that. Craig moved onto the semifinal round. For more information on "BBQ Pitmaster" get all clicky right here.
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November 2021
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