TV sucks. I'd like to put my writing skills and fancy book learnin' to better use than that with some more nuanced descriptions, but I think "sucks" pretty much says it when describing the current state of television programming. I grew up with about five channels and I seem to remember there always being something on worth watching...or maybe I wasn't smart enough as a kid to know good programming when I saw it. Well, I have several hundred channels now and can't find a thing to watch. I don't really like reality shows that much, especially since they generally center around people whose only discernable talent is being conceited or having a large butt. The conceited big butt reality phenomenon has become quite pervasive. There are dozens of shows about really catty, mean-spirited housewives. They all live lives I haven't ever experienced in places I haven't been and really like themselves. Maybe one day the housewives shows will be set on a mill hill and be filled with ladies named Sheila who smoke unfiltered Luckys and make casseroles while deriding their husbands as being "no count." That I might watch.
Naked is big on TV now...on channels you don't have to pay extra for, I mean. Naked in the woods, naked dating and my personal favorite, the naked house-buying show. I'm trying to imagine how that one was even conceived. "Hey, people love shows about buying houses. They're a big hit. How can we get some of that action, but do it differently?" a TV weasel thinks to himself. "Maybe we could put hillbillies in a mansion in Beverly Hills. Nah, that's been done to death. Wait, I've got it! The people buying the houses will be naked! They'll do normal house-buying stuff, you know, checking out crown molding and whatnot, but with no pants on." It would be really hard for me to discuss pre-approved loans and square footage if I was sharing space with someone whose stuff was uncovered. Maybe it's just me. That feels like you're running out of ideas and just going for shock value, which wears off pretty quickly. Maybe one of the food channels could have "The Naked Chef." It would be a trained chef who cooks stuff, but is naked. You wouldn't want to miss the "frying bacon" episode. Speaking of cooking shows, I used to enjoy watching Food Network programming, but the reality show and competition trend has wormed its way into the format and has gotten out of hand. Maybe you are entertained by trained culinary professionals having to make a meal out of a pint of marmot pee, cotton balls and a dead hippie for a panel of irritable judges. I'm not so much. I highly recommend you watch the video at this link (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSDkrec2OGc) and tell me if the ideas pitched in that comedy sketch are any dumber than "Kitchen Casino." It's gotten to the point that the only things I look forward to watching are football (which is a few months away) and "BBQ Pitmasters." I like football because, duh, it's football. "BBQ Pitmasters" appeals to me on several levels. You may have noticed the name of this blog is "Pigskin and Pigskins" not "The bean curd and cabbage jubilee." I like to cook barbecue, I like to eat it, I like to watch other people cook it and eat it, so Pitmasters is right up my alley. Granted, it's in the food competition vein, but it's done well and one of the judges is an ill-tempered, foul-mouthed, Southern barbecue genius named Myron Mixon. I can relate to loud Southerners who like to eat ribs and cuss. The show rarely manufactures dumb drama or digs into the backstory of the competitors for some weepy, sob-story angle. "Old Bob from Team Bob-O-Que...Lord help him his granddiddy got drunk in the woods and got his ice et up by a boar. Awful way to go. I mean, his maw maw says his granddiddy really ran off with some ho lady, but they don't want Bob thinking ill of his granddiddy's moral fiber, so they sold him that bill of goods about getting loaded and ate by a feral pig. Anyway, he swore to defend his granddiddy's honor by killing and eating every pig in his path from now to eternity." Nobody wants to hear that crap. What you want to hear is judges busting each other's chops, contestants talking smack and people making amazing barbecue...in a public forum so I can steal their recipes and techniques. There was a long gap after last season ended and there aren't a ton of reruns on Destination America, which I kind of like actually...the show doesn't get oversaturated and you're always wanting more. Well, the wait is finally over. On Memorial Day, traditionally one of the biggest days for grilling and barbecuing, Destination America showed a Pitmasters marathon, capped by a "sneak peak" of the new season. It wasn't what I really think of as a sneak peak, though, since they showed a whole episode. That's more of a gawk or a gander, but I'm not complaining. So, since the point of this blog is to write about football and barbecue, I've decided to review the new episodes each week...at least until some lawyer or someone calls and tells me I can't anymore. An episdoe one review will be coming up shortly. Celebrate people...Pitmasters is back...for an hour a week, TV isn't gonna suck. Want more info on the show? Check it out right here.
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